Mental Health and Small Business Conference
Last October I was fortunate to be asked to be part of a Panel on Movement at the Mental Health and Small Business Conference organised by Kate Llewellyn at The Content Consultancy. The timing was remarkably apt, falling as it did between my stepfather’s death and his funeral, and whilst Kate and her fellow organisers were very understanding and supportive of me not attending, I felt it was important that I attend.
Because these are the realities of life as a small business owner. We have lives.
At that means, we have families we are looking after, whether children, parents or in other forms. We are often in the position of choosing where to put our time, and I felt that a time when my own mental wellbeing was being tested was the perfect time to be at an event exploring how to care for ourselves in our businesses. [Plus it gave me a break from intensive funeral planning, and that was welcome, too.]
Over the day we explored Mental Health and Diversity, Medicine, Movement and Self care. I was a panellist toward the end of the day, which gave me the advantage of time absorbing what others had to share, and reflecting on it before it was my turn to speak.
When it came to my turn, I found I offered up the raft I use to keep myself afloat when times are tough, and have been wanting to share this more widely because it was well received. So here goes:
It is rarely a matter of time, it is usually a matter of priority.
One of the stories we tell ourselves most consistently as small business owners is that ‘I don’t have time’ for movement and self care. As a yoga teacher, coach and therapist, I would respond you don’t have time not to, not because it’s an easy (or glib) response, but because I believe we make time for our priorities.
Sometimes when we are saying we don’t have time what we are really saying is ‘this is not a priority for me right now’. Making conscious choices about current priorities allows you to step away from people pleasing and into self-governance.
For me, as hospital visits became and end of life planning became a larger part of life, I had to be realistic about how much time I had for self care, and yes, I had to make some hard decisions about opportunities that I would have to turn down in order to be where I was needed when I was needed.
However, that I would spend the time I did have on self care was non-negotiable. Where else was the energy and resilience going to come from to get through? I kept close to my inner circle, I honoured my more-limited capacity for social contact, I was open at work, and I booked myself some form of retreat or creative class each month that was purely for me. And those were all life-lines.
Get off the wellbeing treadmill. This seemed to be the point that hit home the most. A show of hands demonstrated that most people reach for movement or self care after they are already exhausted, and therefore are always trying to catch up with themselves. This is near impossible to do, as I have proven conclusively to myself over the years!
These days I teach clients to plan ahead for resilience. Imagine your resilience as a bank account. You need to be depositing ‘resilience’ in order to be able to draw it on later. While there may be sudden calamities you couldn’t have planned for, so many things you can plan for. The big meeting, the long week of delivering training, the extra demands in the lead up to Christmas or at the end of the school year, the family-juggling of the holidays. These can all be planned for, if your wellbeing is considered important enough.
And what is it you need to do more of? The stuff you love.
Resilience ultimately is a matter of the will to continue, and it is vastly easier to find the will, when you do what you love. In particular, what you love now, not what you used to love. As human beings, change is part of the norm, so go with it as you age, as life circumstances change. What do you love now?
Approaching self care as a menu, not a to do list. This is an important shift that asks us to trust ourselves in the moment to know exactly what self care we need. We do not go into a restaurant thinking I must eat everything on this menu – we go in and within our constraints of time, budget and dietary preference, we choose the thing that would most please us in that moment. We can do the same when it comes to self care.
How would it be to devise a menu for yourself? the appetisers (staring out the window at the birds while I make my tea, a favourite song on loud for some kitchen dancing), the starters (10 mins of mindful colouring or 15 mins reading my book), the main courses (an art class, a gym session), the desserts (time with a friend), the full course meal (a weekend away).
These are just my examples and they are not exhaustive. Having a full menu reduces the cognitive load in the moment. You can simply look at what you’ve already considered and scan through (mentally or on paper) to find the exact thing you need today.
I hope these ideas help you when thinking about your own mental health and wellbeing, and if you would like a thinking partner, I would be happy to help you work through this in a one-off coaching session.
